Diary Entry #1 Stranded/Not Stranded 1/14/2022

Welcome back to my blog…

I thought it'd be a pretty neat idea to use my blog as a way of documenting my experience. The decision to leave New York City, my rent stabilized apartment, and everything I knew; to live my life on the road and out of my car was important for MY* deprogramming.

  A bit less than a year later and here I am. Stranded / not stranded in the middle of winter in Colorado.

   I have been pushing my luck trying to keep myself from being evicted from this quality inn parking lot. My vans been broken down for a few months now… but rather than complain and talk about all the sour bits, I still wouldn't change a thing.

I’m being transformed and I see exactly why this all had to happen.

Recently I’ve experienced a bit of paralysis and indecision. So many ideas, so many times that I’ve tried things and they didn’t work out. So much trauma around money. So much weirdness around me not holding onto it, or having any. I’ve gotten by thus far by flying by the seat of my own pants. I’ve been able to get away with that. Not anymore.

   For me, this week really has felt like a major momentum and build up from the space and feeling that nothing is going to change and that we’re all doomed… But right now; I feel a burst of hope and excitement for the 2023.

I keep having this dream that I’m naked and I’m the only one. Everyone can see me and I am exposed...

   I just feel so uncomfortable. It’s really quite an interesting thing how vulnerable we truly are in this life. Completely vulnerability without escape.  I’m just talking about the pure nature of life. The true essence of what it means to live on this planet especially in a time like this. There is no true escape, not that we should want to…But even if you did want to unalive yourself; you only find yourself right back here so I obviously don't recomend it.

Thank the moon and karma and the design of this reality for that. No one’s getting away from this.

   Who knew an actual business and social media strategy was what I needed? Who knew consistency and creativity and literally working all day, nearly every day, would be the greatest investment for my business? It's seems obvious but I'm learning that I'm actually running a business; and although spiritual it is; it is also a business! The truth is I am transformed every second of every day by allowing life to teach me through my hardship. I always have. Change and transformation are inevitable. Some transformations are huge and some small but one thing that I never truly allowed myself the space to really accept, which is;

people are literally transformed by working with me. I do know what the f*ck I’m doing...

and my purpose is to help others realize their potential lives. I am designed to thrive! So the big lesson this week and the big shift has really been around self-worth. I’m not assuming you are going through the same thing. Again; this is me sharing my experience. Diary post are uploaded weekly. Peace be with us all.