Journal Entry 1/31/21

Another cold week

This one brought with it lots of snow. The shifts in energies have been constant and intense. The intuitive flood of knowing has been constant. Almost overwhelming. It wrestles with my anxiety. A few abandoned vehicles around me have been towed. This has been the source of my anxiety.

Dream

I had a dream last night. I was extremely high up; standing on the ledge of a waterfall that was coming out of this cave. Like when you get to the top of a water ride and you’re getting ready to slide.

I didn’t see anyone at first but I knew I wasn’t alone. I felt encouraged like I knew this leap was coming and so did they. I felt a pair of large hands wrap around my waist and someone behind me said; “I gotcha.” I jumped. But not straight down. I knew I wasn’t supposed to. I jumped to the side, and I held on to this rock, then I dropped down and swung my legs into the mouth of this giant skull. Down I went. End of dream.

Internal Dialogue:

My knowing suggests a block, or a pattern of hesitation. Something of my own doing, preventing me from changing my circumstance. More accountability! Fun. I'm grateful for it, but not everything is clear-cut. My guides and spirit team speak to me in metaphors and riddles. I know I’m supposed to do something, but how can I be sure that what I’m doing is the thing? They never leave me. They hold this space and wait, patiently, for me to occupy it. I so want to be there. So I am patient with myself and feel into everything. No stone unturned.

They are playing a game of operation with me. Trying to bring out the best parts of me without touching the sensitive edges of my ego. Zzzz! Sort of like meeting a friend at the pool. You both agree to jump in, but when the time comes; will you flinch? It’s cold In there…Our friends in spirit are a part of us, and they will never flinch. Why would they? I flinched when my YouTube video’s started to take off in views, or before that; when my other car broke down and I was able to buy this Van. So triggered when things work out for me.

Before my van broke down I had a God complex, in a way that justified dumb stuff. Like spending money, and holding unrealistic expectations about a lot of things. I leaned a little too much on the faith that things would come together. That I didn’t have to change myself to change my life. I had to go out and find it, and people and places were the things that held me back. My thinking was unconscious. But to change is not a comfortable thing, and “great power comes with…” You get it. It’s the kind of effort we are not used to.

The kind that requires sacrifice.

To turn your sensitivity away from survival, and fully cross over to the authentic you. I know I’m meant to make an impact. My dreams and communications all share the same sentiment. I have a lot to get done in this life and it’s time to get a move on.

The universe always connects me with the right literature; this week that was The Teachings of Don Juan by Carlos Castaneda. In the book, Don Juan shares teaching with his student Carlos; “Anything is one of a million paths. Therefore you must always keep in mind that a path is only a path; if you feel you should not follow it, you must not stay with it under any conditions. To have such clarity you must lead a disciplined life.” This hit. Hard.

I have a memory bank full of direction and clear communication from spirit; yet I don’t always listen. Or I was but I was serving two masters. Spirit made it very clear that I am to honor my unique potency as a healer, and playing any other role would forfeit many blessings. My mission is to help myself, then others, to remember. NOT* to impress people, and live my life serving the follies of man. I have nothing to prove, ever. Old Andy likes to prove things and I’ve been half old Andy, half new Andrew in my recent eras of unfolding.

My authentic self is where my gifts are. My best readings are received by those that understand this and see its value. Spirituality is not a lifestyle for me. It’s the beautiful, bright, and unavoidable truth that is always there, waiting for me to find it, again, and again. So that I may be reminded of who I AM as many times as it takes to become. I may be struggling but I’ll never give up. I know I am not the only one. I will leave this place better than I left it.